Share


Home
The Psyche Workshop
Abuse and Consequences
The Psyche Workshop


Intimacy Therapy for Men:
 
Trouble in Paradise
Therapy for Emotional and Sexual Intimacy (Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes)

See Sense of Self Therapy to repair your damaged sense of self which created distorted feelings and belief systems of what you believe is true about you and the world which then created maladaptive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns along with intimacy issues.


by
Rosalie Marie Musumeci

Certified Hypnotherapist
Domestic Violence and Child Abuse including Child Sexual Abuse Certificates
Mental Health Counselor for Abuse and Consequences including Male Intimacy Therapies

Copyright © 1992 by Rosalie Marie Musumeci
All Rights Reserved.  No part of any art / literary content works herein may be reproduced (make copies), adapted (make new versions), distributed or published, performed in public, or displayed.

Emotional Intimacy Therapy

Emotional Intimacy (Fear of Emotional Intimacy in Relationships)
Therapy for Emotional Intimacy (Sensate Focus Exercises; Playtime Exercises)
The Calamity of Making Love (Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes: Fetish or No Fetish)
Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes  (Male Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes)
Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes
(
Basic Causes: Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues; Conflict Issues; Medical and Medication Issues. Specific Causes)

Emotional Intimacy Therapy

Emotional Intimacy

Fear of Emotional Intimacy in Relationships

Emotional intimacy concerns psychological bonding. Emotional intimacy problems you may experience are in general having a fear of intimacy even though we may be starving for affection. We may avoid and be fearful of touches of affection, such as being hugged, fearing all touch much end in sex, or words of affection, such as being called sweetheart, honey and words of the like, fearing they not genuine as the person saying it is not genuine either. We may be unable to replace passion with companionship because we may see emotional intimacy as interference. And so, we may alienate, isolate and estrange ourselves from others. We may be with people who are not right for us, consistently choosing the wrong partner.

Therapy for Emotional Intimacy

Note: The following exercises will help you to be rid of your fear / avoidance of emotionally bound situations. You need to have a partner to perform these exercises.
 


Sensate Focus Exercises
 
Note: The technique of sensate focus was initially developed as a sex therapy technique by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s. It involves a series of behavioral exercises that couples do together in order to enhance their intimacy and connection. https://www.verywellmind.com/sex-therapy-with-sensate-focus-4145783
 
Sensate Focus I does not involve any genital touching. Still, you will experience much pleasure through sensual touch. You should do this exercise to your partner first.
 
  1. Ask your partner to lie down on her stomach as you lower the lights and put soft music on.
  2. Start by using creams or oils and make light, feathery, sensual touches to her body beginning with her back.
  3. Ask your partner to close her eyes, and you close your eyes also. See your partner with your hands.
  4. After a while ask her to turn over and continue with your sensual touch.
  5. This touch should make your partner feel loved, accepted, comforted, relaxed, warm, and giving, drawing from her, affection for you.
  6. After you finish, ask your partner to do the same type of touch to you.
  7. You need to do this exercise for a couple of weeks at the very least.
  8. Then move onto Sensate Focus II.
Sensate Focus II includes Sensate Focus I and the following.
 
  1. This time there will be genital touching, but still no making love.
  2. Do the sensual touching as in Sensate Focus I, but also touch your partner’s genitals and your partner should touch your genitals.
  3. If you try to make love before you have your full confidence back, chances are, a sexual dysfunction may happen.
 
Playtime Exercises


Note:
Do not make love!!!

Note: It doesn’t matter who goes first.

Note: If you have Premature Ejaculation, you may not be able to do these touch exercises because you may ejaculate quickly.

Just Breathe

  1. Sit on the floor with your legs opened, and have your partner sit in between your legs with her back to your chest.
  2. Gently wrap your arms around her, placing your hands right underneath her breasts.
  3. Both you and your partner close your eyes and as you feel your partner breathe, follow her rhythm, and then switch.

Lean on me

  1. Your partner sits on the floor and you kneel behind her.
  2. Ask her to lean on you and make her body limp so you can gently move her around freely.
  3. After a while you and your partner should switch.

Impression
 

  1. Sit on the floor together, face to face.
  2. Start by gently touching your partner’s shoulder.
  3. She then touches your shoulder.
  4. She then touches your face.
  5. You then touch her face.
  6. You touch her hand.
  7. She then touches your hand.
  8. Continue touching different parts of each other’s bodies.

Catch me if you can 
 

  1. You need a plastic mat to play this game.
  2. Take equal parts of baby oil, and any lotion or cream you like and mix them together.
  3. Rub this mixture all over your partner's body and ask her to rub it all over you.
  4. Lie down on the plastic mat, and ask your partner to lie on top of you.
  5. Try to hold her in place as she slips and slides.
  6. After a while, you and your partner should switch.

Blindfold 
 

  1. Ask your partner to lie down in a comfortable place and allow you to blindfold her.
  2. Tell her to focus on your touch and tell you what she thinks you are touching her with (e.g., hands, feathers, you are limited only by your imagination).
  3. After a while you and your partner should switch.

Mirroring
 

  1. Stand face to face with your partner.
  2. Let her take the lead as you behave as if you are looking in a mirror.
  3. Try to follow her movements, becoming her reflection.
  4. After a while you and your partner should switch.

Hide and seek
 

  1. Ask your partner to take a small piece of tape and place it somewhere on her body while you are not looking.
  2. You must find the tape, and will be able to do this by slow sensual touching on every part of her body.
  3. Move slowly as you explore your partner’s body.
  4. Once you find the tape, switch.
back to top


Emotional Intimacy Therapy

Emotional Intimacy (Fear of Emotional Intimacy in Relationships)
Therapy for Emotional Intimacy (Sensate Focus Exercises; Playtime Exercises)
The Calamity of Making Love (Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes: Fetish or No Fetish)
Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes  (Male Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes)
Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes
(Basic Causes: Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues; Conflict Issues; Medical and Medication Issues. Specific Causes)

Sexual Intimacy Therapy

The Calamity of Making Love


Sexual Dysfunctions

Sexual intimacy concerns physical bonding. Sexual intimacy problems you may experience are sexual dysfunctions and fetishes. When you have sexual dysfunctions / fetishes, emotional intimacy is hindered. If you cannot be emotionally intimate, sexual intimacy will not succeed because it will hinder all or some aspects of making love will be absent, difficult or impossible. If you cannot be sexually intimate, your love making will not succeed. As sexual comfort decreases, sexual anxiety increases and then failed emotional intimacy follows suit and round and round you go.

Fetishes

When you have fetishes, you will have little or no interest in traditional lovemaking. This creates a dilemma when you have a partner because you must maintain a traditional sexual relationship on some level and fetish behavior interferes with sexual functioning and will sabotage your efforts. You may fantasize about your fetish during love making to be stimulated enough to avoid being sexually dysfunctional.

Fetishistic love making is not love making at all. It is a refracted way for you to experience sexual pleasure. It recreates the primal events that are the basis for the existence of your fetish, such as events that made you feel humiliated and worthless. It gives you the illusion of either being in complete control (being dominant), or it gives you the illusion that you are being made worthy through repeated desired punishment (being submissive). During and after the fetish expression, though you experience a great release and feel good, the fetish expression not only does not repair the damage to your sense of self, but also reinforces it. This will be a fruitless endeavor without end, because as long as your fetishes are in front of you and not behind you, then you will seek out partners to either dispense or receive these expressions which ultimately are repeated assaults to your psyche. You must indulge your fetishes whether it is in fantasy or in actual expression. If you ignore or repress the urges, they will keep coming back stronger, and more forcefully than before, until they are somehow expressed. You may be living a secret life and possibly paying someone to act out your fetishes. You may even  have chosen an occupation related to your fetish.

Fetish of No Fetish

There are times when people compare making love with the drama of fetish expression. However they are two separate entities and cannot be compared. Making love, for example, is based on love, while fetish expression, for example, is based on harm. Not knowing the difference, people do compare, having the conclusion, that fetish expression during lovemaking is more exciting because of the drama.



Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes

Male Sexual Dysfunctions

When you have sexual dysfunctions you have problems with desire / arousal / orgasm.

 
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder means that you have little or no desire to make love. You lose your desire before ejaculation when you make love. Your sexual urges, fantasies, or making love, are happening less than twice a month.

Sexual Aversion Disorder means that you have an aversion or revulsion to making love. You have an irrational fear of making love.

Male Erectile Disorder means that you are unable to attain erections when making love. You have weak erections when making love. You have erections on and off when making love. You are unable to maintain adequate erections to complete intercourse to ejaculation when making love.

Male Orgasmic Disorder means that you are unable to ejaculate when making love. You get the feeling to ejaculate, but then lose the feeling when making love.

Premature Ejaculation means that you ejaculate within 5 minutes or less when making love. You ejaculate before you desire when making love.

Combination Orgasmic Disorder means that there are times that you take a long time to ejaculate when making love; you are unable to ejaculate when making love; you get the feeling to ejaculate, but then lose the feeling when making love, and at other times, you ejaculate within 5 minutes or less when making love; you ejaculate before you desire when making love.

Sexual Dysfunctions when Masturbating means that you are sexually dysfunctional when you masturbate but not when you make love.

Sexual Dysfunctions when using Condoms means that you are sexually dysfunctional only when you use a condom.


Fetishes

When you have fetishes you have problems with recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or behavior regarding:

Note: There are other fetishes and variations of the above but these seem to be the most common.

Coprophilia: feces. For example: eating feces / brown showers / when someone defecates on you.

Exhibitionism: exposing your genitals to an unsuspecting or non-consenting person.

Fetishism: using an article of women’s clothing when masturbating. For example: when you place a pair of women’s used panties over your head with the crotch over your nose while masturbating / when you wrap a pair of women’s panties around your penis while masturbating.

Frotteurism: rubbing your penis against an unsuspecting or non-consenting person.

Hypoxyphilia: being deprived of oxygen. For example: when a noose is around your neck.

Infantilism: behaving or dressing as an infant. For example: when you wear a diaper and urinate or defecate in it / when you suck on a pacifier / when you drink from a baby bottle / when you make baby sounds.

Klismaphilia: enemas

Necrophilia: corpses, death, and destruction.

Partialism: a nonsexual part of a woman’s body, such as feet. For example: when you kiss and lick a woman’s feet / when you rub your penis on a woman’s feet / when you ejaculate between a woman’s toes.

Pedophilia: children.

Sexual Masochism: receiving psychological pain. For example: when you are humiliated / when receiving physical pain such as when you are spanked.

Sexual Sadism: dispensing psychological pain. For example: when you are humiliating someone / when dispensing physical pain such as when you are spanking someone.

Telephone Scatologia: making obscene telephone calls to an unsuspecting or non-consenting person.

Transvestic Fetishism: wearing women’s clothing and accessories, and acting like a woman.

Urophilia: urine. For example: when you drink urine / golden showers / when someone urinates on you.

Voyeurism: watching an unsuspecting or non-consenting person such as while undressing, being naked, or making love.


Zoophilia a.k.a. Bestiality:
animals. For example: when you perform oral sex to an animal / when you have intercourse with an animal.


Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes

Basic Causes


There are three basic causes of sexual dysfunctions / fetishes. Regardless of the cause, anxiety is always present.

Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues

When you have a sexual dysfunction caused by performance anxiety and non-conflict issues it means you are fearful that you will be unable to make love (desire, arousal, orgasm) without any problems. You can be especially anxious if you have had sexual difficulties before. The likelihood of a sexual dysfunction is greater than not in inexperienced men. Generally, increased performance anxiety leads to sexual failure. As sexual comfort decreases, sexual anxiety increases. If you think you cannot make love, then you cannot make love. With men and sex, the worst fears will always come true. You should do the appropriate sex therapy exercise. If you have more than one sexual dysfunction, then follow the ‘Priority Order to Remedy Sexual Dysfunctions’. Once you overcome these performance anxiety and non-conflict issues, along with doing the appropriate sex therapy exercises, your sexual dysfunctions will be remedied.


A man and his partner are excited about making love.


A man and his partner are excited about making love. He dims the lights and puts soft music on. He undresses and gets into bed while she goes into the bathroom to put on that sexy red outfit you love. He said his erection is poking at the sheets as he is so eager and enthusiastic, and oh so ready! He smiles as she calls out to him that she’s coming to bed in seconds. But then suddenly he remembers the last time he made love, when he was sexually dysfunctional. Now he can feel those physiological changes take place. His erection weakens. As his partner dances out of the bathroom, he mutters something about being too tired, adding not tonight honey. Feeling depressed, devastated and hopeless, he rolls over and falls asleep.

Then he woke up during the night and as he lay there, he realized he had the strongest erection ever. He was so ready to make love, but he waited a few minutes more to be sure that he really are so ready. Another five minutes go by and he feels good! He feels so very good! He gently wakes up his partner and says he wants to make love and she says yes! Life is good! Life is very good! And so as he starts to make love, he remembers the last time when he made love and he was sexually dysfunctional. Again, he feels the physiological changes take place. Again his erection weakens. And so, he mutters something to her about being so tired that he just wants to go back to sleep. Feeling depressed, devastated, and hopeless, he rolls over and stays awake.

 
Conflict Issues

Conflict issues are psychological struggles within you. Anxiety is always present. These conflicts and the reasons why, need to be identified and remedied. Once your conflicts are remedied (ex. Abuse) along with doing the appropriate sex therapy exercises, generally your sexual dysfunctions / fetishes will be remedied.

A man was married. Generally after watching television for a few hours he would go to bed.


A man was married. Generally after watching television for a few hours he would go to bed. His wife would stand in the doorway of the bedroom and demand that he have sex with her. He knew if he met his wife’s demand for sex, he would as always suffer her verbal onslaught and psychological castration, as she always told him that his love making was a pis-poor performance. But, he also knew, if he didn’t meet her demand for sex, his days ahead would be gruesome at best. During times when they would make love, his wife would shoot reasons at him as to why she should and would be unfaithful to him, adding “So you call yourself a real man!” Well, eventually his wife did leave him for another man. He felt so unloved and unwanted. These feelings stirred up memories from childhood, when his mother either ignored him or told him how worthless he was. He thought about all of his relationships and realized there had never been a woman who loved him, who really loved him. And why should anyone love him, he thought, after all, his own mother didn’t! He had feelings of deep sadness and desperateness coupled with intense feelings of resentment and anger toward his mother, his wife and all women. He just couldn’t trust any of them, beginning with his mother. He decided that he would never let another one of them hurt him. The next time he was with a woman, he would be in total control.

Then along came a woman who became his second wife. Most of their conversations began with him saying, “If you really loved me . . . or you can really prove your love for me by . . .  or I am your husband and you better . . .” She had to account for every minute of every day that she was away from him. On a typical day, she had to call him as soon as she arrived at work. She had to call him when she went to lunch and returned, reporting what she ate for lunch, where, and with whom. She had to call him when she was leaving work to go home. It was another call if she had to make any stops along the way, or if she got stuck in traffic. He demanded that she give him unconditional love and uncompromising obedience! Though she didn’t like living this way, his wife tolerated it because she was afraid he would leave her as her first husband did. She would never forget that morning when she woke up and found a note on his pillow that simply read ‘Goodbye’! She had promised herself when she met him that she would let him do whatever he wanted so as not to be left alone again.

Medical and Medication Issues

When you have medical conditions and need to take medications, it can interfere with sexual functioning. Ask your doctor if a change in medicine is possible. Also you can do the appropriate sex therapy exercise because up to a certain degree it will help because of your performance anxiety.

Specific Causes


You can have one or multiple causes of your sexual dysfunctions / fetishes. It’s important to identify any and all the causes to be able to remedy your sexual dysfunctions / fetishes.


1.   Abuse and Neglect Issues mean that you were psychologically / physical harmed as a child. It also means that you were or are being psychologically / physical harmed as an adult.

2.   Allergies

3.   Anxiety Disorders: i.e. Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder, Psych asthenia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD / Flashbacks, Thoughts, Dreams Recollections, Reduced response to antidepressants.

4.   Arthritis

5.   Autoimmune Diseases: i.e. Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis

6.   Bereavement Issues means that you are grieving over the loss of a loved one. Widower’s Syndrome means that you are unable to stop grieving over the loss of your partner.

7.   Cancer

8.   Caretaker of Your Partner Issues means that since you started to care for your sick partner, you don’t have sexual feelings for her anymore.

9.   Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

10.  Cognitive Disorders

11.  Communication Issues means that you are unable to talk to your partner.

12.  Constant Love Making Issues means that your partner believes you should always want to, and always be ready, to make love.

13.  Creation Issues means that your partner cannot agree about having a baby or not, abortion and birth control.

14.  Daughter and Father Issues mean that you are disturbed about the fact that when your daughter is an adult, men will want to have sex with her. If you have used women for sex, your disturbance will be magnified.

15.  Diabetes

16.  Dissociative Disorders: i.e. Amnesia, Dissociative Identity Disorder.

17.  Eating Disorders: Obesity.

18.  Emotional Intimacy Issues means that you are afraid of being emotionally close and vulnerable to your partner.

19.  Fatigue Issues mean that you make love even when you are too tired.

20.  Fear of Intimacy Issues means that you have a fear of being emotionally close and vulnerable to your partner.

21.  Fetish Issues

22.  Fibromyalgia

23.  Gastrointestinal Problems

24.  Gender Identity Issues means you feel that you were born the wrong sex.

25.  Guilt Issues means that you have feelings of guilt about anything and so the sexual dysfunctions exist to punish yourself.

26.  Headaches: Migraines

27.  Hepatitis

28.  Heart Disease

29.  High Blood Pressure

30.  Irritable Bowel Syndrome

31.  Liver Problems

32.  Madonna-Whore Complex Issues means that you feel it would be disrespectful to ask your partner to perform certain sexual acts.

33.  Male Sexual Dysfunctions Issues

34.  Marital Status Issues means that the likelihood of sexual dysfunctions is greater than not in men who have been recently separated, divorced, or widowed.

35.  Masturbation Issues:

a.       Masturbation as no other choice means that you masturbate because your partner does not want to make love.

b.      Masturbation as obstruction means you masturbate more than you make love and because of this you have conditioned your body to function sexually fine only in this way. You masturbate very hard and fast which has desensitized your penis. This masturbation technique cannot be translated into making love.

c.       Masturbation preference means that you have a preference for masturbation, rather than making love even though making love is an option.

36.  Mood Disorders: i.e. Depression, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder.

37.  Motor Skills Disorder: i.e. Developmental Problems.

38.  Musculoskeletal Problems

39.  Neurological Problems

40.  Negative Aspects of Partner Issues means that you are focused on negative aspects of your partner.

41.  New Sexual Partner Issues means that you feel anxious when making love with someone new. Most men find that the first few times they make love with someone new, they experience sexual problems.

42.  Partner Pleasure Knowledge Issues means that your partner believes you are supposed to automatically know what will sexually please.

43.  Partner VS. Partner Issues means that you are sexually dysfunctional with one partner but sexually fine with another partner.

44.  Patient Resistance Issues means that you believe you want to remedy your sexual dysfunctions but you sabotage the therapy, such as, by not doing the sex therapy exercise or by doing the sex therapy exercise but not following the guidelines.

45.  Penis Issues:

a.       You feel your penis is inadequate in some way, such as, you think your penis is too small.

b.      You think of your penis as a separate entity with a mind of its own. Thinking like this causes frustration about being able to control your body, to control your penis. And yet at the same time, thinking this way makes it easier for you to tolerate sexual dysfunctions because in a sense, if your penis has a mind of its own, then it’s out of your control.

c.       You had a medical procedure performed to your penis. Studies have been conducted with the possible determination that medical procedures to a penis, such as, circumcision, vasectomy, or penis enlargement, can be perceived by the patient’s mind as damage done to his penis.

46.  Personality Disorders: i.e. Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder / Antisocial traits, Passive/Aggressive Personality Disorder.

47.  Pornographic and Unrealistic Sexual Expectation Issues means that you / your partner believe the sex scenes in pornographic movies and the actors’ sexual performance are true to life and expect that when making love.

48.  Pressure by Partner Issues means that your partner wants to make love more than you want to.

49.  Privacy Issues means that you do not have enough privacy when making love.

50.  Psychological Disorders means that you have problems with mental disorders. The most common mental disorders related to sexual disorders are: anxiety, depression, mood, personality, sleep or substances.

51.  Religious Backgrounds and Beliefs Issues:

a.       You have feelings of guilt because you practice sexual acts that go against your religious beliefs.

b.      You have feelings of guilt because of the nature of sexual thoughts, fantasies, and acts.

52.  Resentment Issues means that you have feelings of resentment toward your partner and so your sexual dysfunctions exist as a punishment for your partner.

53.  Respiratory Problems

54.  Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders: i.e. Schizophrenia, Psychosis.

55.  Sexual Menu Issues:

a.       You are uncertain about your sexual orientation.

b.      You are conflicted about your sexual orientation.

56.  Sexual Orientation Issues means that you are attracted to people of the same sex.

57.  Sexual Pleasure Issues means that you have feelings of guilt because of engaging in pleasurable sexual activities while at the same time someone you love is going through a hard time.

58.  Sexual Practices Issues means that you want to make love and not ejaculate for a long time so you hold your ejaculation back.

59.  Sleep Disorders: i.e. Nightmare Disorder, Difficulty / disturbance / disruption in sleep.

60.  Somatoform Disorders: i.e. Somatic Disorder, Pain Disorder.

61.  Spectatoring Issues means that you watch yourself when you make love because you are anxious and want to see how you are doing.

62.  Stress Issues means that you are under pressure about something and unable to stop thinking about it even when you make love.

63.  Stroke

64.  Substance Related Disorders: i.e. Alcohol, Drugs, and Nicotine.

65.  Ulcerative Colitis

66.  Ulcers

67.  Victim of Sexual Trauma Association Issues means you are close to someone who was sexually assaulted.

back to top


Emotional Intimacy Therapy

Emotional Intimacy (Fear of Emotional Intimacy in Relationships)
Therapy for Emotional Intimacy (Sensate Focus Exercises; Playtime Exercises)
The Calamity of Making Love (Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes: Fetish or No Fetish)
Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes  (Male Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes)
Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes
(
Basic Causes: Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues; Conflict Issues; Medical and Medication Issues. Specific Causes)

Sex Therapy Exercises

Sex Therapy for Male Sexual Dysfunctions

Guidelines
 

  • Be consistent.
  • You must do the sex therapy exercises every other day or every third day at the most.
  • You must be mentally stimulated (e.g., fantasies, pornographic films, magazines) in the same way every time you do the sex therapy exercises.
  • You must do sex therapy exercises through masturbation because this is a non-pressure situation.
  • You must use the same lubricant (e.g., baby oil, KY Jelly) every time you do the sex therapy exercises because you need to simulate intercourse.
Multiple Sexual Dysfunctions Priority Order to Remedy

When you have a single sexual dysfunction, then do that sex therapy exercise. However, if you have multiple sexual dysfunctions, there is a priority order in which the sex therapy exercises should be done in order to remedy all of the sexual dysfunctions.
 
  1. Sexual Aversion Disorder
  2. Premature Ejaculation
  3. Male Orgasmic Disorder
  4. Combination Orgasmic Disorder
  5. Male Erectile Disorder
  6. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder


You have little or no desire to make love.
You lose your desire before ejaculation when you make love.
Your sexual urges, fantasies, or making love, are happening less than twice a month.

Note: You do not need a partner for this sex therapy exercise and it is preferred you do this exercise alone. If you do have a partner, do not make love before, during or after this exercise because it will create anxiety!
 

  1. Mentally stimulate yourself.
  2. If you do not feel comfortable, then stop and try another day.
  3. If you do feel comfortable, then masturbate to orgasm.
  4. If you do not get that far, it’s okay. Try it another day.

Sexual Aversion Disorder

You have an aversion or revulsion to making love.
You have an irrational fear of making love.

 
Note: You do need a partner for parts of this sex therapy exercise. Do not make love during or after this exercise because it will create anxiety!

Expose yourself to that aspect that you have an aversion to, or an irrational fear of, a little at a time. Move at your own pace. Do not rush yourself. Do not move onto the next step until you are completely comfortable. Be as consistent as is possible. Do the appropriate exercise as often as your partner is agreeable, but still on a regular basis.

Masturbation
 

1.      Use a lubricant of your choice and begin by gently stroking your genitals.

2.      If you do not feel comfortable, then stop and try another day.

3.      If you do feel comfortable, then continue and masturbate to orgasm.

4.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

5.      Try it another day.

Touch & Oral Sex


    You touching your partner’s genitals

 

1.      Begin by getting close to your partner’s genitals.

2.      If you do not feel comfortable, then stop and try another day.

3.      If you do feel comfortable, then lightly touch your partner’s genitals.

4.      Once you feel totally comfortable with this then put your mouth close to your partner’s genitals.

5.      Once you feel totally comfortable with this then put your mouth on your partner’s genitals.

6.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

7.      Try it another day.


    Your partner touching your genitals

1.      Begin by letting your partner get close to your genitals.

2.      If you do not feel comfortable, then stop and try another day.

3.      If you do feel comfortable, then let your partner lightly touch your genitals.

4.      Once you feel totally comfortable with this then let your partner put her mouth close to your genitals.

5.      Once you feel totally comfortable with this then let your partner put her mouth on your genitals.

6.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

7.      Try it another day.

Intercourse
 

1.      Begin by getting close to your partner’s genitals.

2.      If you do not feel comfortable, then stop and try another day.

3.      If you do feel comfortable, then place your genitals close to your partner’s genitals.

4.      If you do feel comfortable, then place your genitals on your partner’s genitals.

5.      If you do feel comfortable, then begin to have intercourse.

6.      If you do feel comfortable, then complete intercourse to orgasm.

      7.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.
      8.      Try it another day.



Male Erectile Disorder

 
You are unable to attain erections when making love.
You have weak erections when making love.
You have erections on and off when making love.
 You are unable to maintain adequate erections to complete intercourse to ejaculation when making love.

Note:
You do not need a partner for this sex therapy exercise and it is preferred you do this exercise alone. If you do have a partner, do not make love before, during or after this exercise because it will create anxiety!


1st Step
 

1.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

2.      Stop before you get the feeling to ejaculate.

3.      Stopping means taking your hand away from your penis.

4.      Do not think about sex at all.

5.      You may or may not have an erection.

6.      It is okay if you don’t.

7.      In time you will.

8.      If you did have an erection, during this stopping time, your erection may go down.

9.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay. Try it another day.

2nd Step
 

1.      Once your erection goes down, put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

2.      Stop before you get the feeling to ejaculate.

3.      Stopping means taking your hand away from your penis.

4.      Do not think about sex at all.

5.      You may or may not have an erection.

6.      It is okay if you don’t.

7.      In time you will.

8.      If you did have an erection, during this stopping time, your erection may go down.

9.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

10.  Try it another day.

3rd Step
 

1.      Now for the last time, put the lubricant on your penis.

2.      Masturbate to ejaculation.

3.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

4.      Try it another day.



Male Orgasmic Disorder

 
You are unable to ejaculate when making love.
You get the feeling to ejaculate, but then lose the feeling when making love.

Note: You do not need a partner for this sex therapy exercise and it is preferred you do this exercise alone. If you do have a partner, do not make love before, during or after this exercise because it will create anxiety!

1.            Put the lubricant on your penis.

2.            Mentally stimulate yourself.

3.            Masturbate until you ejaculate.

4.            If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

5.            Try it another day.



Premature Ejaculation

You ejaculate within 5 minutes or less when making love.
You ejaculate before you desire when making love.


Note:
You do not need a partner for this sex therapy exercise and it is preferred you do this exercise alone. If you do have a partner, do not make love before, during or after this exercise because it will create anxiety!

1st Start and Stop

1.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

2.      You should get the feeling to ejaculate within 5 minutes or less.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass. 

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.      Try it another day.

10.  If you ejaculate before this 1st stop, then wait awhile and then try this sex therapy exercise again.


2nd Start and Stop

1.      Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.      Try it another day.

10.  If you ejaculate before this 2nd stop, then do not try this exercise again in the same day.

11.  To do so may cause you to either have difficulty ejaculating, or be unable to ejaculate.

3rd Start and Stop
 

1.      Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.      Try it another day.

10.  If you ejaculate before this 3rd stop, then do not try this exercise again in the same day.

11.  To do so may cause you to either have difficulty ejaculating or be unable to ejaculate.

4th Start to Ejaculation 
 

1.            Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.            Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate to ejaculation.

3.            If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

4.            Try it another day.


Emotional Intimacy Therapy

Emotional Intimacy (Fear of Emotional Intimacy in Relationships)
Therapy for Emotional Intimacy (Sensate Focus Exercises; Playtime Exercises)
The Calamity of Making Love (Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes: Fetish or No Fetish)
Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes  (Male Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes)
Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes
(
Basic Causes: Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues; Conflict Issues; Medical and Medication Issues. Specific Causes)


Combination Orgasmic Disorder

You take a long time to ejaculate when making love.
You are unable to ejaculate when making love.
You get the feeling to ejaculate, but then lose the feeling when making love.
AND AT OTHER TIMES
You ejaculate within 5 minutes or less when making love.
You ejaculate before you desire when making love.

 

Note: You do not need a partner for this sex therapy exercise and it is preferred you do this exercise alone. If you do have a partner, do not make love before, during or after this exercise because it will create anxiety!

Note: If the Male Orgasmic Disorder happens first or more often, then do that exercise first. If the Premature Ejaculation happens first or more often, then do that exercise first.

Male Orgasmic Disorder

1.      Put the lubricant on your penis.

2.      Mentally stimulate yourself.

3.      Masturbate until you ejaculate.

4.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

5.      Try it another day.

Premature Ejaculation

For 2 weeks or until you can complete it, do the 1st step and 4th step.

1st Start and Stop
 

1.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

2.      You should get the feeling to ejaculate within 5 minutes or less.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass. 

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.      Try it another day.

10.  If you ejaculate before this 1st stop, then wait awhile and then try this sex therapy exercise again.

4th Start to Ejaculation
 

1.      Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate to ejaculation.

3.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

4.      Try it another day.

When you have gotten this far, then for the next 2 weeks or until you complete it, do the 1st step, 2nd step  and 4th step.


1st Start and Stop

1.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

2.      You should get the feeling to ejaculate within 5 minutes or less.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass. 

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.      Try it another day.

10.  If you ejaculate before this 1st stop, then wait awhile and then try this sex therapy exercise again.


2nd Start and Stop

1.      Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.      Try it another day.

10.  If you ejaculate before this 2nd stop, then do not try this exercise again in the same day.

11.  To do so may cause you to either have difficulty ejaculating, or be unable to ejaculate.


4th Start to Ejaculation

1.      Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate to ejaculation.

3.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

4.      Try it another day.

When you have gotten this far,  then for the next 2 weeks or until you can complete it, do the 1st step, 2nd step, 3rd step and 4th.


1st Start and Stop

1.      Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

2.      You should get the feeling to ejaculate within 5 minutes or less.

3.      When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.      The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.      Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

6.      You might lose your erection.

7.      This is normal.

8.      If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

      9.      Try it another day.
     10. If you ejaculate before this 1st stop, then wait awhile and then try this sex therapy exercise again.

2nd Start and Stop

1.            Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.            Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

3.            When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.            The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.            Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

6.            You might lose your erection.

7.            This is normal.

8.            If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.            Try it another day.

10.        If you ejaculate before this 2nd stop, then do not try this exercise again in the same day.

11.        To do so may cause you to either have difficulty ejaculating, or be unable to ejaculate.

3rd Start and Stop
 

1.            Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.            Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate.

3.            When you get the feeling that you are close to ejaculation, stop.

4.            The way that you stop is to take your hand away from your penis.

5.            Take a couple of deep breaths, and wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

6.            You might lose your erection.

7.            This is normal.

8.            If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

9.            Try it another day.

10.        If you ejaculate before this 3rd stop, then do not try this exercise again in the same day.

11.        To do so may cause you to either have difficulty ejaculating or be unable to ejaculate.


4th Start to Ejaculation

1.            Wait for the feeling to ejaculate to pass.

2.            Put the lubricant on your penis and masturbate to ejaculation.

3.            If you do not get that far, it’s okay.

4.            Try it another day.


back to top


Sexual Dysfunctions when Masturbating

You are sexually dysfunctional when you masturbate but not when you make love.

You must first identify and remedy the conflict and then generally your sexual dysfunctions remedy themselves. If they do not, then do the appropriate sex therapy exercise for the sexual dysfunction you are experiencing.


Sexual Dysfunctions when using Condoms


You are sexually dysfunctional only when you use a condom.

Generally it’s because the condom is uncomfortable. Try different condoms to find the one that is the least uncomfortable. Once you do this, than masturbate using the condom until you find a comfort level. Then when you make love with the condom you will be sexually functional.


If this does not happen, you have a conflict which means that you must first identify and remedy the conflict and then generally your sexual dysfunctions remedy themselves. If they do not, then do the appropriate sex therapy exercise for the sexual dysfunction you are experiencing.

Sex Therapy for Fetishes

Conflict Issues

Fetishes are caused by conflict issues which are psychological struggles within you.

Sex therapy for fetishes begins with being in therapy to identify your conflicts and the reasons why you have these conflicts. Most times the reason for fetishes is based on having been abused as a child. Once your conflicts are remedied (e.g. abuse) your fetishes will be remedied.

If you also have sexual dysfunctions they will be remedied also / you can do the appropriate sex therapy exercise for sexual dysfunctions which may help with your anxiety.


Graphic Tales
 

Graphic Tales of No Male Sexual Dysfunctions but the Probability Exists

A patient said that ...

 1. he has a fantasy that his mother-in-law invites him over under the guise that she needs him to move furniture. When he arrives, she is standing in the doorway totally nude. She pulls him in by his tie and takes him to the bedroom, telling him that her daughter does not know how to please him sexually as she will.

 2. he and his wife make love only twice a month because she said she does not like the way he approaches her.

3. he is a homosexual and is distressed and conflicted because he feels he should marry and have children.

4. his wife wanted him to have sex with her male cousin. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and so he finally agreed. To his surprise, he liked it very much and wanted to do it again, but his wife gave him an angry no. He then suggested to her that he buy a dildo for her to use on him, but she gave him another angry no. His wife told him that she wanted him to like it, but not that much. She now refuses to have anything to do with him.

5. since his wife will make love maybe three times a year, and he will not cheat on her, he has no choice but to masturbate even though he feels it’s immoral.

6. his wife always tells him that she doesn’t want him, but that she’s stuck with him.

7. he and his wife divorced after being married for twenty years because she wanted to be married but also she wanted her freedom. He’s concerned about his behavior because over the past three years, he has had sex with many women because he’s avoiding relationships so that he doesn’t get hurt again.

8. his wife left him, because he forced her to be a part of what she called perverted sex.

8. because he is sick, he’s afraid if he makes love it will make his illness worse, or that he will even die.

10. he is very shy. He was dating an older woman and bought her an engagement ring. She refused, stating she was already divorced once and would never marry again. She then ended the relationship with him. He believes his girlfriend ended the relationship, because when they made love, he was very nervous.

11. he has a problem communicating with women. He has never really dated or made love, because he has a great fear of rejection. He is sexually confused.

12. he has a new girlfriend and is afraid he will not sexually satisfy her.

13. he is so afraid of getting a sexually transmitted disease that he wears three condoms even when he’s just kissing.


Graphic Tales of Male Sexual Dysfunctions

 
A patient said that ...

1. when he makes love, either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates immediately, when he thinks about his childhood.

2. though he wants to cuddle, it’s difficult for him to be physically close to a woman. He feels repulsed when he makes love.

3, since his wife found out that he had an affair, when he makes love with her, he loses his desire, he does not get an erection, and he ejaculates too quickly. He’s afraid now that she will be unfaithful to him.

4. he does not like to be touched. He is verbally abusive to his wife and rejects her in every way. He said he masturbates to avoid making love, because when he makes love, he ejaculates quickly. He wishes he was still with his first wife because she was not interested in sex at all because she had been raped.

5. since he became his girlfriend’s caretaker, when they make love, he does not have any desire, he cannot get an erection, and he ejaculates immediately.

6. even though he hates it, he just cannot stop mistreating his wife and their children in the same way he was mistreated. He said when he makes love with his wife, he is sexually dysfunctional.

7. he does not love his wife but is staying with her because he does not want to be alone as when he was a child. When he and his wife make love he is unable to get an erection and does not have any desire to make love.

8. he feels awkward about affection and does not like to be touched. He said he behaves like his father by not having respect for women, such as, when they’re together, if they see a pretty woman they both say they would like ‘to stick it to her’. He feels that women are emotionally dangerous and you cannot trust them.  He said use to like ‘bad girls’ because you can just have sex with them and they can’t hurt you. He has an aversion to making love and does not have any desire.

9. since his wife stopped working, when they make love, he has an erection problem.

10. since his girlfriend showed him their baby daughter’s vagina, saying look at her little pussy, when they make love, he is unable to get an erection. He cannot stop thinking about when his daughter is an adult, men will want to have sex with her. He said he felt that his penis was too small and had surgery to elongate it. After the healing there was so much scar tissue, his penis looks smaller than it was before. He is afraid his girlfriend will leave him.

11. when he was married he was unfaithful to his wife because he didn’t want to ask her to do certain sexual acts, because it would have been disrespectful. Since then when he’s in a relationship with someone he cares about, he is sexually dysfunctional, but when he has casual sex, he is sexually fine.

12. he has given up hope about most things in life. He’s self-destructive. He feels ashamed and humiliated because of his appearance. He does not date anymore because he feels his penis is too small. He said when he makes love, he is sexually dysfunctional.

13. he fantasizes about his mother to be able to attain and maintain an erection.

14. he is afraid of women and when he makes love, he is sexually dysfunctional. When he masturbates, he is sexually fine.

15. he is so afraid to trust women, but he needs closeness and affection. He said he obsesses about issues that cause anxiety before he makes love, and then when he makes love, he has an erection problem. He has feelings of hopelessness about ever resolving his sexual dysfunction.

16, when he makes love, he is unable to keep his erection, and unable to ejaculate, unless if he watches pornographic films. He’s concerned about his penis size.

17. since he had surgery to improve his sperm count because he and his wife wants to have a baby, when he makes love, he loses his erection, and it takes a very long time for him to ejaculate.

18, since he married his wife and she insisted he use condoms, when they make love, he is sexually dysfunctional. When he is with other women, even when he uses condoms, he is sexually fine.

19. he does not trust women at all. He feels that his self-esteem is always at risk. Still he must always be in a relationship, even if it’s not good because this is better than being lonely and alone, especially that he has a great fear of rejection. He said he was arrested for using and selling drugs. He spent eighteen months in a rehabilitation center and six months in jail. He said when he makes love, he has an erection problem on and off, and either he is unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates quickly and so he prefers masturbation to making love.

20. he has much resentment toward women. He does not like to masturbate, but this is the only way he can get an erection and ejaculate. He has made love only once and now the woman is claiming he made her pregnant.

21. when he makes love, as soon as he gets the feeling to ejaculate, he loses his erection, and then he is unable to ejaculate.

22. when he makes love with his wife he has an erection problem and cannot ejaculate since he found out she was having a lesbian affair. He’s afraid he will not be able to trust another woman after this deception.

23. since his girlfriend gave him a deadline to get married, when they make love, he has an erection problem, and is unable to ejaculate. He said he loves her, but feels he is not ready for that kind of a commitment.

24, his marriage to his wife ended after the death of their daughter. He felt he had to be away from everything familiar. His wife told him he would never find a woman to please him sexually as she had done. Since then, when he makes love, he has an erection problem, and is unable to ejaculate.

25.when he makes love, he loses his erection, and either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates immediately, unless if he fantasizes that he’s in a corporate meeting with a woman who is dressed in a business suit. He cannot take his eyes off the garters and the tops of her stockings that are exposed. Three or four times she stands up telling him in a business tone of voice to unbutton his shirt, which he does. She then opens his pants and begins to masturbate him, then closes his pants, buttons his shirt, and says to sit down. She continues talking about business and then in the end she masturbates him to ejaculation.

26. he is very depressed because he and his wife have serious marriage problems and may not be able to work them out. He said when they make love she pressures him and complains that either he ejaculates too quickly or it takes too long, or that he doesn’t get an erection immediately. He blames her for his sexual dysfunctions because when he’s with other women, he’s sexually fine.

27. his first wife was murdered and he is divorced from his second wife. Since his girlfriend was arrested for murder, when he makes love, he has an erection problem, and he either takes a long time to ejaculate or is unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly.

28. since his mother-in-law died two years ago, his wife has closed him out. When she refused his suggestion of marriage counseling, he threatened to leave even though he knew he would stay with her because he still loves her. He said when they make love he is sexually dysfunctional, since he started to have feelings of resentment and guilt.

29. since he and his wife moved in with her family to save money to buy a house, when they make love, he is sexually dysfunctional.

30. since he was circumcised five years ago, when he makes love, he is sexually dysfunctional.

31. he has a problem maintaining his erection, and either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly, when he makes love with women who remind him of his fiancé who left him at the altar many years ago.

32. he might be unfaithful to his wife because he wants to go to swing clubs or be involved in a threesome and she does not. He said when they make love, he has a very hard time getting an erection and either he are unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly.

33. he is repulsed since he found out that his wife is bisexual. He said when they make love, he is unable to get an erection, and ejaculates instantly.

34. he believes it is his fault that his wife verbally abuses him just like his mother did when he was a child. He said when they make love, either he has delayed ejaculation, or he is unable to ejaculate.

35. since he found out that his girlfriend had an abortion, when they make love, he has a weak erection, and he ejaculates quickly. He said he feels sick to his stomach because even though he was not ready to be a father, he believes abortion is murder.

36. since the last few women he has been with have complained to him that intercourse hurts because his penis curves, he has a negative attitude about making love. Still he does want to make love, and when he does, he has a weak erection, and ejaculates right away.

37. when he makes love, he has an erection on and off, and he ejaculates too quickly. He said his favorite fantasy is that he’s a waiter at a bridal shower in which all of the women are virgins. He begins to serve them, and then one by one they gasp as they see his enormous penis sticking is out of his pants. Though they are in shock, they all beg him to touch his penis and put it inside of them.

38. since he went out with a married woman, when he makes love, he has an erection problem, and either it takes him a very long time to ejaculate, or he is unable to ejaculate. He said after dinner, they made love on the living room floor even though he was very nervous that her husband might come home, or that her children might wake up.

39. he does not blame his ex-wife for divorcing him because he hurt her and their daughters. He said to alleviate his guilt he allows them to take financial advantage of him. He said since his wife left him about six years ago, he has not been able to ejaculate when he makes love. He wants to find a woman who just wants to cuddle and is not interested in sex just like him.

40. he was in a relationship with a woman who would never hold his hand or otherwise be affectionate. She just wanted him for sex and told him so. When they made love, he was never able to ejaculate during intercourse.

41. when he makes love he is unable to ejaculate, since he and his wife have decided to have a baby.

42. he is still a virgin. He feels sexually inadequate because he does not have a large penis. When he masturbates, he is unable to ejaculate.

43. he feels he needs training in how to sexually please a woman. He feels that he is supposed to know everything about sex and to know what women want, which he does not know. He said to cover up his inadequacy when he makes love with his girlfriend he focuses only on what she tells him to do. During this time he gets the feeling to ejaculate on and off. After his girlfriend has an orgasm, it takes him a long time to ejaculate, or he does not ejaculate.

44. he has to work about eighty hours a week to support his family. His wife complains that he does not help her with their five young children. He said since he started to ejaculate in seconds when they make love, his wife has refused to make love with him anymore stating she can’t stand the sexual dysfunction. She told him that she is looking at other men and wonders what it would be like to be with a real man.

45. since his twin daughters starting to sleep in the same bedroom with him and his wife, when they make love, he ejaculates within minutes.

46. since his girlfriend moved in, he has lost all interest in her. He said when they make love, either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates instantly.

47. since his wife demanded he ejaculate within seven to ten minutes, when they make love, either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly. He is sexually fine when he uses the phone sex lines.

48. because of all his failed relationships, he has attempted suicide twice and had a nervous breakdown. The first time he took pills and the second time he cut his wrists. He’s very afraid that he won’t find a woman who will love him. He has great difficulty in meeting women, and then finally when he does, he is clingy and dependent. He said when he makes love, either he has delayed ejaculation, or he ejaculates quickly.

49. since his wife gained weight, when he makes love with her, he takes a very long time to ejaculate. When he’s with other women, he ejaculates too quickly.

50. since his girlfriend insisted they watch a horror movie, when they make love, either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates quickly. In the movie, a man rapes a woman and then forces her down to her knees to do oral sex to him. At this part of the movie, his girlfriend started to do oral sex to him. In the movie the woman bites off a piece of the man’s penis, and at this part in the movie, his girlfriend dug her nails into his penis and then bit him. He has a fear of losing his penis.

51. since he told his wife he wants divorce, when he makes love, he is sexually dysfunctional.

52. since his girlfriend laughed at him when they made love, he feels sexually inadequate. He has been sexually dysfunctional.

53. since he had a penile implant, he is unable to ejaculate. He’s upset that he has not had sex for about two years because his wife is not interested and his girlfriend has left him.

54. his girlfriend is not affectionate. When they make love, he loses his desire, he has an erection problem, and is either unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates within a minute.

55. since he lost his job a few months ago, when he makes love, he does not have any desire, and he ejaculates within a minute or two.

56. he wants to have sex more frequently than his wife does. She always agrees to make love when he wants to, but if she’s not interested, she reads a book and says he should hurry up and get it over with. He then loses his desire, and either he is unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates right away. He is sexually fine when he masturbates and is not so concerned then if his penis is big enough.

57. he fantasizes about watching two women make love to be able to get an erection.

58. when he makes love with his wife he is unable to keep his erection unless she talks dirty.

59. since his wife passed away, when he makes love he feels guilty and loses his erection.

60. his childhood has left him with much anxiety. He also has a fear of abandonment, and because of this he will do whatever a woman wants. He has a problem expressing his anger even when it was appropriate. He takes the blame for everything because whenever anything goes wrong, he feels it’s always his fault. He said all of his past partners have cheated on him because he does not deserve to be with a beautiful woman. He added that even when he’s in a relationship, he feels lonely. He said when he makes love he cannot get an erection, and is unable to ejaculate. When he’s not in a relationship, he has to resort to masturbation, and then feels pathetic.

61. since he had a vasectomy two years ago, when he makes love, he is sexually dysfunctional.

62. he has only been in two relationships, and both women left him because they said they fell out of love with him. He said when he makes love, his erection is weak, and either he takes a long time to ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly. He said he suppresses sexual fantasies to be able to last longer. He thinks he will always have sexual problems. He has negative feelings about his penis.

63. even though he does not like the way his father mistreated his mother, he is following in his footsteps with his wife who was sexually abused when she was a child. He said when he makes love with his wife he has trouble ejaculating. When he is with other women, he ejaculates quickly, unless if he thinks about blood and guts to last longer.

64. he has recurrent nightmares that he kills his neighbor who sexually abused him He said he does not like anything about his appearance. He said he has always paid for sex and either he is unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly. Sometimes he masturbates.

65. since he started to fantasize about being seduced by his sister-in-law, when he makes love with his wife he cannot keep his erection, and he ejaculates quickly.

66. he’s afraid of women because they can make things happen or not happen to you. He’s not nice to his wife because she does not give him the unconditional love he needs. He always gives her the impression that he is being unfaithful. He said he feels that she puts up with him because she wants him at any cost rather than lose him however, she has started to retaliate. One night when he was drinking, she screamed that he was a drunk and then she swung around and hit him. He said he is sexually fine when he has sessions with pre-op transsexuals, when he’s anywhere from dominant to abusive, and when he masturbates fantasizing about a woman wearing a blindfold. When he makes love with his wife, he has an erection problem, and cannot ejaculate.

67. though he hates his mother, and is unable to make peace with her; he lives with her because he is unable to function on his own. He is very self-conscious about his demeanor because people make fun of him all the time. He does not have any friends. He is unable to hold down a job. He said he hasn’t dated in many years since he was in college and his girlfriend cheated on him. The only time he makes love, is when he sees a prostitute a few times a year, and then he cannot keep his erection or ejaculate.

68. when he makes love with his wife he has an erection problem. He’s concerned that his penis is too small. He said he is sexually aroused when he acts out his sexual abuse when he was a child. When he makes love with his wife he focuses on negative aspects of her so that he does not ejaculate quickly. He and his wife have been sexually experimenting with his brothers. He has had sex with his brothers, and they have all had sex with his wife.

69. he has attempted suicide. He’s angry because women have always rejected him. He’s attracted to women who have been abused. He said he is still a virgin because he remembers his father always told him that sex was dirty and disgusting. As of late, he stays away from women because he has an incontinence problem. He has been to many doctors for help, but they cannot find a medical base. He is sexually aroused when he acts out his sexual abuse when he was a child otherwise he cannot ejaculate.

70. when he attempts to make love with his wife, she just lies flat on the bed with her legs closed tight, laughing at him, telling him if he can get in, well then, he can get in, laughing when he loses his erection.

71. when he makes love with a nice woman he is unable to get an erection and ejaculate, because he feels guilty that they are not married. However, when he makes love with a slut type of woman, he is sexually fine.


Emotional Intimacy Therapy

Emotional Intimacy (Fear of Emotional Intimacy in Relationships)
Therapy for Emotional Intimacy (Sensate Focus Exercises;Playtime Exercises)
The Calamity of Making Love (Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes: Fetish or No Fetish)
Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes  (Male Sexual Dysfunctions; Fetishes)
Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes
(
Basic Causes: Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues; Conflict Issues; Medical and Medication Issues. Specific Causes)

Graphic Tales of Fetishes

 
A patient said that ...

1. he likes it when he sits at the feet of a woman and confesses that he has looked in her hamper and smelled her dirty pantyhose. As a punishment, he wants to be spanked.

2. he is sexually aroused by feet. One time when he went to his friend’s house, he could not stop looking at his friend’s mother‘s bare feet. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he went into her bedroom and masturbated, ejaculating in one of her shoes

3. he likes it when a woman steps on his penis with slippers, and then spanks him very hard.

4. he likes to be spanked, and then repeatedly hit, smacked, punched and kicked in the face.

5. he likes it when he is verbally humiliated, pushed down to the floor on his stomach, tied spread-eagled, spanked and told he cannot do anything right. He has a dream that one day he will be in training to be a submissive with a dominatrix.

6. he likes anal stimulation, verbal humiliation, when he is treated as a slut and a sissy boy, and when he is spanked.

7. he likes to be dominated by a woman while he is wearing black stockings, dressed in panties and a long skirt. He then wants to have his skirt pulled up over his head, have his panties pulled down to his ankles, and then forced to have anal sex with a strap-on dildo.

8. he likes to be called a dirty pig of a slut when he has anal sex with a strap-on dildo.

9. he wants a man to urinate on him.

10. he likes to have a woman urinate in his mouth, and then be spanked. He masturbates twice a day while fantasizing about his fetishes. He has conflicts about his fetishes.

 11. he wears women’s clothing, likes to be called a whore and a dirty slut and be spanked, have anal sex with a strap-on dildo, be tied in a chair, have his mouth is taped shut, and be blindfolded. He then wants photographs taken of him, and told that if he doesn’t obey, the pictures will be copied and handed out on the street. He also wants to be told that he will have a butt plug inserted in his anus because he’s a sissy boy.

12. he likes to be spanked very hard, and then tied in a chair and interrogated. When he refuses to speak, he wants to be tickled beyond his limit of endurance.

13. he likes to suck on a woman’s toes as she calls him a sissy boy.

14. he wears diapers to be sexually excited.

15. he likes it when balloons are rubbed on his penis while he masturbates. He then ejaculates on them and rubs the balloons on his face. He has used a variety of pay-for-sex services to express his fetish. Even though he knows that it’s out of control, he just cannot stop. He has great feelings of guilt because he cannot be honest about it with his girlfriend and his family. He has already spent thousands of dollars.

16. he likes to be tied up, blindfolded and spanked.

17. he wears stockings and heels and a harness. He likes nipple and cock and ball torture, wants to have anal sex with a strap-on dildo, have a woman give him an enema and then urinate on him.

18. he likes it when a vice is screwed tightly on his penis, when his nipples are pinched, when he is told he is a moron, an idiot, and just very stupid. This has been his way of life for the past seventeen years. He has never had any interest in making love.

19. he likes to have a tampon inserted into his anal area, wear a diaper and urinate in it, crawl around making baby sounds, and then be tied to a piece of furniture so that he cannot wander too far.

20. he wants to be spit on while he is being spanked.

21. he likes to have clothespins clipped up and down and all around his penis and testicles, and then one by one he has a dominatrix unclip them and pull them off quickly. He then gets a spanking, performs oral sex to a strap-on dildo and has anal sex with it. He wants to be pinched and bitten and told he is dirt and scum.

22. he is sexually aroused when he acts out any of the following scenarios. He pretends that he is a little girl who has menstrual cramps, is spanked and then his mother cuddles with him. He pretends that his mother spanks him when she catches him watching her masturbate and then she cuddles with him. He pretends that his mother makes him wear her panties after she catches him going through her panty draw. She then spanks him and cuddles with him.


Graphic Tales of Both Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes


A patient said that ...

1. he is sexually aroused when he wears any type of women’s clothing. When he makes love, he loses his desire to ejaculate.

2. since he started to date a sexually demanding woman, when he makes love with her, his body feels numb, and he has an erection problem. He has a fear of losing control over his sexual urges. He said he is sexually aroused by having his nipples tied together with a short string, so that when he stretches it hurts. He likes to wear a woman’s underwear and have anal sex with a strap-on dildo.

3. when he makes love with his wife, he loses his erection, and either it takes him a long time to ejaculate, or he ejaculates quickly. When he makes love with other women, he is sexually fine and can ejaculate five or six times. He is sexually aroused when he has anal sex with a strap-on dildo.

4. he is sexually aroused when he wears dresses, stockings and heels. When he makes love, either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly.

5. he is sexually aroused when a woman makes him wash her feet with his tongue, and then he dries them with her underwear. She then makes him wear her underwear, demanding he ejaculate in it. She then defecates on his face, telling him this is what he deserves. When he makes love, he ejaculates quickly.

6. he is sexually aroused when he wears his sister’s underwear. When he makes love, he has no desire, and he is unable to ejaculate.

7. since he married his wife he’s mad because he’s missing out on sexual experiences, and because of this, when they make love, he loses his desire. He said he is sexually aroused when he sees a woman’s bare feet and fantasizes about ejaculating on them.

8. when he makes love he has an erection on and off, unless if he is spanked until he bleeds.

9. he wears panties, likes to be spanked and have anal sex with a strap-on dildo. He said when he makes love, he does not have any desire, has a weak erection, and either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates quickly. He is sexually aroused when he masturbates holding his mother’s panties.

10. he is sexually aroused when he watches a woman dangle a shoe from her red manicured toes, drops the shoe on his penis, and then laughs at him as he licks the heel on the shoe. When he makes love, he has an erection on and off, and he ejaculates quickly.

11. he is sexually aroused when he does oral sex to a strap-on dildo. When he makes love, he cannot keep his erection.

12. his first relationship ended when he found out that his girlfriend cheated on him. His next girlfriend constantly hit him in the head with the handle of a knife and then cut him with it and also was verbally abusive, manipulative and controlling, such as, she would tell him if and when he could watch television. In his last relationship he wanted his girlfriend to dominate him.  She agreed but said he would have to pay her. He said he is very lonely. He also does not have any friends.  He said when he makes love, he has a weak erection. He is sexually aroused by spankings and having anal sex with a strap-on dildo.

13. he ejaculates immediately when he makes love with his girlfriend since she compared him to other men saying that the other men are a ‘ten’ and he is ‘barely a three’.

14. he is sexually aroused when a dominatrix wraps a sanitary pad around his penis and tells him that if he doesn’t ejaculate when she tells him to, she will cut him so he will bleed on the pad just like a woman. He said when he makes love, he cannot get an erection, and he ejaculates quickly.

15. he is sexually aroused when he peeps. When he makes love, he loses his desire, he loses his erection, and he loses the urge to ejaculate.

16. the relationship he had with his girlfriend was good but he just could not stop being unfaithful to her. She said she could have tolerated the cheating but broke up with him because he gave her herpes. Since then, when he makes love, he has very little desire, an erection problem, and either he cannot ejaculate, or he ejaculates very quickly. He is sexually aroused when he is spanked while performing oral sex on a couple of pre-op transsexuals. After they ejaculate on him, they slap him in his face with their penises and then beat him because they haven’t been able to penetrate him yet. After these sessions he curls up in a ball and feels disgusted with himself. He uses dildos on himself when he masturbates.

17. he is sexually aroused when he wears women’s bras and panties. When he makes love, he has an erection on and off.

18. he is sexually aroused when he is spanked, and then repeatedly hit, smacked, punched, and kicked in the face. When he makes love, he loses his erection, and either it takes him a long time to ejaculate, or he is unable to ejaculate.

19. he is sexually aroused when he wraps panties around his penis and masturbates as he licks in between a woman’s toes. When he makes love, he ejaculates quickly.

20. he was abused as a child. He said he is sexually aroused when he is spanked and told because he’s bad and has to get an enema. After that he likes to cross-dress and be urinated on. When he makes love, he ejaculates quickly.

21. he is sexually aroused when he is made to face the wall and told he is worthless. When he makes love, he has problems getting an erection, because he is dependent on his fetish to be sexually fine.

22. he is sexually aroused when he is made to have anal sex with a strap-on dildo and called a dirty pig of a slut. He stopped seeing a dominatrix after she chained him to the wall for a couple of days and had many men play with his penis and testicles. She then smacked his genitals with a heavy wooden paddle as she ridiculed him. He found out that she stole more than one hundred thousand dollars from him. He said since women have always laughed at his penis telling him it’s so tiny and cute like a baby’s penis, when he makes love, he has a weak erection, and cannot ejaculate.

23. his ex-wife is just like his abusive father. His children live with him and do not want to have any contact with their mother. He said he is sexually aroused when he wears a collar around his neck and a leather strap around his penis. He also likes to have a short rope tying the collar and strap together so that he is hunched over. He then likes to be quickly pulled around the room by the rope and made to wiggle. He wants to be told if he obeys, his penis will be pierced multiple times or cut off as a reward. He said when he makes love he has an erection on and off, and is unable to ejaculate.

24. when he and his wife make love he is unable to maintain his erection, and is unable to ejaculate. He is sexually aroused when he wears women’s clothing and accessories. He goes to nude beaches and fetish clubs and has been sexually involved with men when he is cross-dressed. One time when he was at the gym, he noticed a man was watching him. He went into the shower room with him and watched while the man masturbated.

25. he is drawn to dead-end relationships, such as he was involved with a few married women. He said he is sexually aroused when a dominatrix makes him have anal sex with a strap-on dildo, and then spanks him until he cries, all the time, calling him a slut. He knew he finally found his place in life because he does not have feelings of inadequacy anymore, even though he feels he is perverted because of his fetish. When he makes love, he has an erection on and off, and he ejaculates quickly.

26. he is sexually aroused when he wears women’s panties, has his hands tied behind his back, and has anal sex with a strap-on dildo. He wants to be in training with a dominatrix. When he makes love, he ejaculates quickly. He has always paid for sex.

27. he is sexually aroused when he cross-dresses. When he makes love, he has an erection on and off, and either he is unable to ejaculate, or he ejaculates too quickly. He feels that his fetish is causing the problem.


The End





back to top
Home
The Psyche Workshop

Abuse and Consequences
The Psyche Workshop

My captivation with the mind, together with my humanitarian nature, my varied professional training and experiences, my therapy talents, and through my past and ongoing extensive research and studies, has guided me on a journey in which I am blessed in that I am able to help people. In addition, through my personal past, I have learned to turn my misery into time well spent. Helping others has always been where my heart is and my lifelong desire, both personally and professionally. My goal is to continue on this path.
About Me: My Professional Life
About Me: My Professional Life

Rosalie Marie Musumeci

Bless the Abused
Bless the Abused

Bless the Abused Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/blesstheabused/
Real stories of abuse.
Awareness and support.
You can tell your own story without using your name.

Sad Truth about Elder Care

Sad Truth about Elder Care

In February 2008 my mom became sick. Well my research left me in a fatal state of dismay and disgust. This is my research study about Nursing Homes / Rehabilitation Facilities.

Sense of Self Therapy

Sense of Self Therapy

This therapy is about psychological traumas and the inevitable resulting consequences to the self. My psychological trauma was being abused by my ex-husband. To look at me, you would think I survived in one piece. No. Not really. Not by a long shot. None of us do. There is always death of the spirit, heart, soul and mind to some extent. Sometimes there is also physical death. Through reading my story and this therapy you will learn to love yourself by repairing your damaged sense of self and distorted belief system of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. It also will help you to repair your maladaptive coping skills and behavior patterns. You are never, ever alone.
Tears of My Family
Tears of My Family

Fact or Fiction is about my son, Joseph and my rendition of how the protect and serve aspect of the law is not law after all..
Brothers Forever Together is about the loss of my nephews, Steven and Matthew.
"Cremate me and throw my ashes down the sewer" is about the loss of my brother Joseph.




counter