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Heart-Steps Therapy 7
This Heart-Steps Therapy will help you to learn to love yourself by repairing your damaged sense of self and distorted belief system of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. It also will help you to repair your maladaptive coping skills and behavior patterns.

Sexual Intimacy

Next
HST 8
Sex Therapy
Sex Therapy for Male Sexual Dysfunctions
Sex Therapy for Fetishes


Therapy Sessions

If you would like to make an appointment, please Email: thepsycheworkshop@gmail.com and write “Session” in the subject area. I did see people in-person from 1990 to 2004 however I do not do in-person sessions anymore so in your email please state how you would like to communicate. You don’t have to use your real name initially. All sessions are private and confidential. And always remember you are not and never will be alone.


The Calamity of Making Love with Sexual Dysfunctions / Fetishes

Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes

Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes

These are the links to the other pages on the Psyche Workshop Website



Sexual Intimacy

The Calamity of Making Love with Sexual Dysfunctions / Fetishes


Sexual intimacy concerns physical bonding. Sexual intimacy problems you may experience after having been abused are sexual dysfunctions and fetishes.

When you have sexual dysfunctions / fetishes, emotional intimacy is hindered. If you cannot be emotionally intimate, sexual intimacy will not succeed because it will hinder all or some aspects of making love will be absent, difficult or impossible. If you cannot be sexually intimate, your love making will not succeed.

As sexual comfort decreases, sexual anxiety increases and then failed emotional intimacy follows suit and round and round you go.

Fetishistic Love Making

When you have fetishes, you will have little or no interest in traditional lovemaking. This creates a dilemma when you have a partner because you must maintain a traditional sexual relationship on some level and fetish behavior interferes with sexual functioning and will sabotage your efforts. You may fantasize about your fetish during love making to be stimulated enough to avoid being sexually dysfunctional.

Fetishistic love making is not love making at all. It is a refracted way for you to experience sexual pleasure. It recreates the primal events that are the basis for the existence of your fetish, such as events that made you feel humiliated and worthless. It gives you the illusion of either being in complete control (being dominant), or it gives you the illusion that you are being made worthy through repeated desired punishment (being submissive). During and after the fetish expression, though you experience a great release and feel good, the fetish expression not only does not repair the damage to your sense of self, but also reinforces it. This will be a fruitless endeavor without end, because as long as your fetishes are in front of you and not behind you, then you will seek out partners to either dispense or receive these expressions which ultimately are repeated assaults to your psyche. You must indulge your fetishes whether it is in fantasy or in actual expression. If you ignore or repress the urges, they will keep coming back stronger, and more forcefully than before, until they are somehow expressed. You may be living a secret life and possibly paying someone to act out your fetishes. You may even  have chosen an occupation related to your fetish.

Fetish of No Fetish

There are times when people compare making love with the drama of fetish expression. However they are two separate entities and cannot be compared. Making love, for example, is based on love, while fetish expression, for example, is based on harm. Not knowing the difference, people do compare, having the conclusion, that fetish expression during lovemaking is more exciting because of the drama.



Descriptions of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes

Male Sexual Dysfunctions


When you have sexual dysfunctions you have problems with desire / arousal / orgasm.

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder means that you have little or no desire to make love. You lose your desire before ejaculation when you make love. Your sexual urges, fantasies, or making love, are happening less than twice a month.

 

Sexual Aversion Disorder means that you have an aversion or revulsion to making love. You have an irrational fear of making love.

 

Male Erectile Disorder means that you are unable to attain erections when making love. You have weak erections when making love. You have erections on and off when making love. You are unable to maintain adequate erections to complete intercourse to ejaculation when making love.

 

Male Orgasmic Disorder means that you are unable to ejaculate when making love. You get the feeling to ejaculate, but then lose the feeling when making love.

 

Premature Ejaculation means that you ejaculate within 5 minutes or less when making love. You ejaculate before you desire when making love.

 

Combination Orgasmic Disorder means that there are times that you take a long time to ejaculate when making love; you are unable to ejaculate when making love; you get the feeling to ejaculate, but then lose the feeling when making love, and at other times, you ejaculate within 5 minutes or less when making love; you ejaculate before you desire when making love.

 

Sexual Dysfunctions when Masturbating means that you are sexually dysfunctional when you masturbate but not when you make love.

 

Sexual Dysfunctions when using Condoms means that you are sexually dysfunctional only when you use a condom.


Fetishes

Note: There are other fetishes and variations of the above but these seem to be the most common.

When you have fetishes you have problems with recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or behavior regarding:

Coprophilia: feces. For example: eating feces / brown showers / when someone defecates on you.

 

Exhibitionism: exposing your genitals to an unsuspecting or non-consenting person.

 

Fetishism: using an article of women’s clothing when masturbating. For example: when you place a pair of women’s used panties over your head with the crotch over your nose while masturbating / when you wrap a pair of women’s panties around your penis while masturbating.

 

Frotteurism: rubbing your penis against an unsuspecting or non-consenting person.

 

Hypoxyphilia: being deprived of oxygen. For example: when a noose is around your neck.

 

Infantilism: behaving or dressing as an infant. For example: when you wear a diaper and urinate or defecate in it / when you suck on a pacifier / when you drink from a baby bottle / when you make baby sounds.

 

Klismaphilia: enemas

 

Necrophilia: corpses, death, and destruction.

 

Partialism: a nonsexual part of a woman’s body, such as feet. For example: when you kiss and lick a woman’s feet / when you rub your penis on a woman’s feet / when you ejaculate between a woman’s toes.

 

Pedophilia: children.

 

Sexual Masochism: receiving psychological pain. For example: when you are humiliated / when receiving physical pain such as when you are spanked.

 

Sexual Sadism: dispensing psychological pain. For example: when you are humiliating someone / when dispensing physical pain such as when you are spanking someone.

 

Telephone Scatologia: making obscene telephone calls to an unsuspecting or non-consenting person.

 

Transvestic Fetishism: wearing women’s clothing and accessories, and acting like a woman.

 

Urophilia: urine. For example: when you drink urine / golden showers / when someone urinates on you.

 

Voyeurism: watching an unsuspecting or non-consenting person such as while undressing, being naked, or making love.

 

Zoophilia a.k.a. Bestiality: animals. For example: when you perform oral sex to an animal / when you have intercourse with an animal.




Causes of Male Sexual Dysfunctions and Fetishes

Basic Causes


There are three basic causes of sexual dysfunctions / fetishes. Regardless of the cause, anxiety is always present.

Performance Anxiety and Non-Conflict Issues

When you have a sexual dysfunction caused by performance anxiety and non-conflict issues it means you are fearful that you will be unable to make love (desire, arousal, orgasm) without any problems. You can be especially anxious if you have had sexual difficulties before.The likelihood of a sexual dysfunction is greater than not in inexperienced men. Generally, increased performance anxiety leads to sexual failure. As sexual comfort decreases, sexual anxiety increases. If you think you cannot make love, then you cannot make love. With men and sex, the worst fears will always come true. You should do the appropriate sex therapy exercise. If you have more than one sexual dysfunction, then follow the ‘Priority Order to Remedy Sexual Dysfunctions’. Once you overcome these performance anxiety and non-conflict issues, along with doing the appropriate sex therapy exercises, your sexual dysfunctions will be remedied.

A man and his partner are excited about making love.

A man and his partner are excited about making love. He dims the lights and puts soft music on. He undresses and gets into bed while she goes into the bathroom to put on that sexy red outfit you love. He said his erection is poking at the sheets as he is so eager and enthusiastic, and oh so ready! He smiles as she calls out to him that she’s coming to bed in seconds. But then suddenly he remembers the last time he made love, when he was sexually dysfunctional. Now he can feel those physiological changes take place. His erection weakens. As his partner dances out of the bathroom, he mutters something about being too tired, adding not tonight honey. Feeling depressed, devastated and hopeless, he rolls over and falls asleep.

Then he woke up during the night and as he lay there, he realized he had the strongest erection ever. He was so ready to make love, but he waited a few minutes more to be sure that he really are so ready. Another five minutes go by and he feels good! He feels so very good! He gently wakes up his partner and says he wants to make love and she says yes! Life is good! Life is very good! And so as he starts to make love, he remembers the last time when he made love and he was sexually dysfunctional. Again, he feels the physiological changes take place. Again his erection weakens. And so, he mutters something to her about being so tired that he just wants to go back to sleep. Feeling depressed, devastated, and hopeless, he rolls over and stays awake.

Conflict Issues

Conflict issues are psychological struggles within you. Anxiety is always present. These conflicts and the reasons why, need to be identified and remedied. Once your conflicts are remedied (ex. Abuse) along with doing the appropriate sex therapy exercises, generally your sexual dysfunctions / fetishes will be remedied.

A man was married. Generally after watching television for a few hours he would go to bed.

A man was married. Generally after watching television for a few hours he would go to bed. His wife would stand in the doorway of the bedroom and demand that he have sex with her. He knew if he met his wife’s demand for sex, he would as always suffer her verbal onslaught and psychological castration, as she always told him that his love making was a pis-poor performance. But, he also knew, if he didn’t meet her demand for sex, his days ahead would be gruesome at best. During times when they would make love, his wife would shoot reasons at him as to why she should and would be unfaithful to him, adding “So you call yourself a real man!” Well, eventually his wife did leave him for another man. He felt so unloved and unwanted. These feelings stirred up memories from childhood, when his mother either ignored him or told him how worthless he was. He thought about all of his relationships and realized there had never been a woman who loved him, who really loved him. And why should anyone love him, he thought, after all, his own mother didn’t! He had feelings of deep sadness and desperateness coupled with intense feelings of resentment and anger toward his mother, his wife and all women. He just couldn’t trust any of them, beginning with his mother. He decided that he would never let another one of them hurt him. The next time he was with a woman, he would be in total control.

Then along came a woman who became his second wife. Most of their conversations began with him saying, “If you really loved me . . . or you can really prove your love for me by . . .  or I am your husband and you better . . .” She had to account for every minute of every day that she was away from him. On a typical day, she had to call him as soon as she arrived at work. She had to call him when she went to lunch and returned, reporting what she ate for lunch, where, and with whom. She had to call him when she was leaving work to go home. It was another call if she had to make any stops along the way, or if she got stuck in traffic. He demanded that she give him unconditional love and uncompromising obedience! Though she didn’t like living this way, his wife tolerated it because she was afraid he would leave her as her first husband did. She would never forget that morning when she woke up and found a note on his pillow that simply read ‘Goodbye’! She had promised herself when she met him that she would let him do whatever he wanted so as not to be left alone again.

Medical and Medication Issues

When you have medical conditions and need to take medications, it can interfere with sexual functioning. Ask your doctor if a change in medicine is possible. Also you can do the appropriate sex therapy exercise because up to a certain degree it will help because of your performance anxiety.

 

Specific Causes

You can have one or multiple causes of your sexual dysfunctions / fetishes. It’s important to identify any and all the causes to be able to remedy your sexual dysfunctions / fetishes.

 

1.      Abuse and Neglect Issues mean that you were psychologically / physical harmed as a child. It also means that you were or are being psychologically / physical harmed as an adult.

2.      Allergies

3.      Anxiety Disorders: i.e. Panic Attacks, Panic Disorder, Psych asthenia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD / Flashbacks, Thoughts, Dreams Recollections, Reduced response to antidepressants.

4.      Arthritis

5.      Autoimmune Diseases: i.e. Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis

6.      Bereavement Issues means that you are grieving over the loss of a loved one. Widower’s Syndrome means that you are unable to stop grieving over the loss of your partner.

7.      Cancer

8.      Caretaker of Your Partner Issues means that since you started to care for your sick partner, you don’t have sexual feelings for her anymore.

9.      Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

10.  Cognitive Disorders

11.  Communication Issues means that you are unable to talk to your partner.

12.  Constant Love Making Issues means that your partner believes you should always want to, and always be ready, to make love.

13.  Creation Issues means that your partner cannot agree about having a baby or not, abortion and birth control.

14.  Daughter and Father Issues mean that you are disturbed about the fact that when your daughter is an adult, men will want to have sex with her. If you have used women for sex, your disturbance will be magnified.

15.  Diabetes

16.  Dissociative Disorders: i.e. Amnesia, Dissociative Identity Disorder.

17.  Eating Disorders: Obesity.

18.  Emotional Intimacy Issues means that you are afraid of being emotionally close and vulnerable to your partner.

19.  Fatigue Issues mean that you make love even when you are too tired.

20.  Fear of Intimacy Issues means that you have a fear of being emotionally close and vulnerable to your partner.

21.  Fetish Issues

22.  Fibromyalgia

23.  Gastrointestinal Problems

24.  Gender Identity Issues means you feel that you were born the wrong sex.

25.  Guilt Issues means that you have feelings of guilt about anything and so the sexual dysfunctions exist to punish yourself.

26.  Headaches: Migraines

27.  Hepatitis

28.  Heart Disease

29.  High Blood Pressure

30.  Irritable Bowel Syndrome

31.  Liver Problems

32.  Madonna-Whore Complex Issues means that you feel it would be disrespectful to ask your partner to perform certain sexual acts.

33.  Male Sexual Dysfunctions Issues

34.  Marital Status Issues means that the likelihood of sexual dysfunctions is greater than not in men who have been recently separated, divorced, or widowed.

35.  Masturbation Issues:

a.       Masturbation as no other choice means that you masturbate because your partner does not want to make love.

b.      Masturbation as obstruction means you masturbate more than you make love and because of this you have conditioned your body to function sexually fine only in this way. You masturbate very hard and fast which has desensitized your penis. This masturbation technique cannot be translated into making love.

c.       Masturbation preference means that you have a preference for masturbation, rather than making love even though making love is an option.

36.  Mood Disorders: i.e. Depression, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder.

37.  Motor Skills Disorder: i.e. Developmental Problems.

38.  Musculoskeletal Problems

39.  Neurological Problems

40.  Negative Aspects of Partner Issues means that you are focused on negative aspects of your partner.

41.  New Sexual Partner Issues means that you feel anxious when making love with someone new. Most men find that the first few times they make love with someone new, they experience sexual problems.

42.  Partner Pleasure Knowledge Issues means that your partner believes you are supposed to automatically know what will sexually please.

43.  Partner VS. Partner Issues means that you are sexually dysfunctional with one partner but sexually fine with another partner.

44.  Patient Resistance Issues means that you believe you want to remedy your sexual dysfunctions but you sabotage the therapy, such as, by not doing the sex therapy exercise or by doing the sex therapy exercise but not following the guidelines.

45.  Penis Issues:

a.       You feel your penis is inadequate in some way, such as, you think your penis is too small.

b.      You think of your penis as a separate entity with a mind of its own. Thinking like this causes frustration about being able to control your body, to control your penis. And yet at the same time, thinking this way makes it easier for you to tolerate sexual dysfunctions because in a sense, if your penis has a mind of its own, then it’s out of your control.

c.       You had a medical procedure performed to your penis. Studies have been conducted with the possible determination that medical procedures to a penis, such as, circumcision, vasectomy, or penis enlargement, can be perceived by the patient’s mind as damage done to his penis.

46.  Personality Disorders: i.e. Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder / Antisocial traits, Passive/Aggressive Personality Disorder.

47.  Pornographic and Unrealistic Sexual Expectation Issues means that you / your partner believe the sex scenes in pornographic movies and the actors’ sexual performance are true to life and expect that when making love.

48.  Pressure by Partner Issues means that your partner wants to make love more than you want to.

49.  Privacy Issues means that you do not have enough privacy when making love.

50.  Psychological Disorders means that you have problems with mental disorders. The most common mental disorders related to sexual disorders are: anxiety, depression, mood, personality, sleep or substances.

51.  Religious Backgrounds and Beliefs Issues:

a.       You have feelings of guilt because you practice sexual acts that go against your religious beliefs.

b.      You have feelings of guilt because of the nature of sexual thoughts, fantasies, and acts.

52.  Resentment Issues means that you have feelings of resentment toward your partner and so your sexual dysfunctions exist as a punishment for your partner.

53.  Respiratory Problems

54.  Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders: i.e. Schizophrenia, Psychosis.

55.  Sexual Menu Issues:

a.       You are uncertain about your sexual orientation.

b.      You are conflicted about your sexual orientation.

56.  Sexual Orientation Issues means that you are attracted to people of the same sex.

57.  Sexual Pleasure Issues means that you have feelings of guilt because of engaging in pleasurable sexual activities while at the same time someone you love is going through a hard time.

58.  Sexual Practices Issues means that you want to make love and not ejaculate for a long time so you hold your ejaculation back.

59.  Sleep Disorders: i.e. Nightmare Disorder, Difficulty / disturbance / disruption in sleep.

60.  Somatoform Disorders: i.e. Somatic Disorder, Pain Disorder.

61.  Spectatoring Issues means that you watch yourself when you make love because you are anxious and want to see how you are doing.

62.  Stress Issues means that you are under pressure about something and unable to stop thinking about it even when you make love.

63.  Stroke

64.  Substance Related Disorders: i.e. Alcohol, Drugs, and Nicotine.

65.  Ulcerative Colitis

66.  Ulcers

67.  Victim of Sexual Trauma Association Issues means you are close to someone who was sexually assaulted.







Therapy Sessions

Home
The Psyche Workshop
Abuse and Consequences
The Psyche Workshop


These are the links to the other pages on The Psyche Workshop Website
Bless the Abused
Bless the Abused

Bless the Abused Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/blesstheabused/
Real stories of abuse.
Awareness and support.

You can tell your own story without using your name.
Heart-Steps Therapy Book
Heart-Steps Therapy Book

This Heart-Steps Therapy will help you to learn to love yourself by repairing your damaged sense of self and distorted belief system of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. It also will help you to repair your maladaptive coping skills and behavior patterns.

Heart-Steps Therapy 7
Sexual Intimacy

YOU ARE HERE
Tears of My Family
Tears of My Family
Fact or Fiction: On February 12, 2011 my son, Joseph Lozito, was viciously attacked by Maksim Gelman on a New York City subway. This is my rendition of how the protect and serve aspect of the law is not law after all. Brothers Forever Together: My sister lost two of her children. Steven was 19 years old when he was died because of a drunk driver. Matthew was 1 year old when he died because of a medical malpractice. Michael is the brother who was able to survive the loss of his brothers. God bless you Michael. "Cremate me and throw my ashes down the sewer": This is about my brother Joseph.
The Sad Truth about Elder Care
The Sad Truth about Elder Care
In February 2008 my mom became sick. Well my research left me in a fatal state of dismay and disgust. This is my research study about Nursing Homes / Rehabilitation Facilities.