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Heart-Steps Therapy 10

This Heart-Steps Therapy will help you to learn to love yourself by repairing your damaged sense of self and distorted belief system of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. It also will help you to repair your maladaptive coping skills and behavior patterns.


Your Story



Therapy Sessions

If you would like to make an appointment, please Email: thepsycheworkshop@gmail.com and write “Session” in the subject area. I did see people in-person from 1990 to 2004 however I do not do in-person sessions anymore so in your email please state how you would like to communicate. You don’t have to use your real name initially. All sessions are private and confidential. And always remember you are not and never will be alone.


You need to identify if you were abused.

While Healing and in Recovery

You need to understand...

Were you abused?

Wait. Before you answer, if you are unsure, do you remember my story of abuse?

So were you abused?

Think about telling your story!

These are the links to the other pages on the Psyche Workshop Website




You need to identify if you were abused.

Note: Perception of abuse as in were you really abused or not. You may not have been abused but if your perception is that you were abused, you will suffer the consequences.


So were you abused? And if yes, was it really that bad?  Ask yourself this question and do not be concerned if your recollections and feelings are accurate. You will come to realize that what you don’t remember by fact, you will remember by impressions. You will realize that what your heart, mind and soul perceive about what happened is the truth. So, the next time you ask yourself if it was abuse and if it was really that bad, respond with a resounding yes! It was abuse! It was really that bad!
 
Abuse damages your sense of self. This damage then created distorted feelings and belief systems of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. This damage then created in you maladaptive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns along with intimacy issues.
 
You need to know if you suffered. Just think about what happened to you and then you will know. Some of the ways that you can be abused are to be controlled; isolated; neglected; intimated you / physically abused; emotionally and psychologically abused; sexually abused; verbally abused.
 
Do you believe you are ... for example, bad, a burden, damaged goods, defective, a disappointment, flawed, inadequate, ineffective, inferior, pathetic, too stupid to do anything right, undeserving of anything good, underserving of love, worthless?  

Do you feel ... for example, alone and lonely, angry, anxious, bitter, defensive, depressed, in a state of despair, devastated, unable to trust, fearful, guilty, helpless and hopeless, you do not belong, pessimistic, regret and remorse, self-disgust and self-hate and self-loathing, trapped in the past?

Do you behave ... for example, in a self-sabotaging, self-sacrificing, self-undermining, self-destructive and self-disrespectful manner?

While Healing and in Recovery

You need to surround yourself with people who love you and feel their loving thoughts. You need to remember any and all kindnesses.

For me, after my first child was born, on the day I was going to my doctor for a checkup, I walked into a florist. I was so unhappy this day because even before my ex-husband and I had breakfast, he asked me if he was the father of our baby. As I cried and cried he called me a slut and a whore. Later in the morning he said he was sorry and asked me to forgive him. I did forgive him but now, just a few short hours later he started again. So, as I stood in the florist feeling so unloved, a little old man walked over to me, and handed me a rose. Throughout all these years, I have never forgotten his kindness. I thought about other kindnesses that had slipped my mind. I remember those unexpected telephone calls from people I thought had forgotten me. I remember people who have called me an angel because I helped them. I remember people who offered their help before I asked for it. Yes, there have been many, many kindnesses that I remembered. This was love that I so desperately needed. 


You need to understand...

You need to understand that having suffered abuse it will never be completely over. Healing takes time, a long time and a lifetime. This suffering is a part of you and deeply ingrained in you and therefore will always affect you. 

You need to understand that your damaged sense of self and distorted feelings and belief system of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world and then this created maladaptive coping skills and behavior patterns and then emotional and sexual intimacy problems, did not originate with you but they will affect you. If you look into the eyes of the person who caused you to suffer you will see nothing or no one looking back. You will take this as a sign of such certainty of your unworthiness. If you look into those same eyes to seek you, you will see what you think is an accurate mirror image of you. You will then see that you have become this person’s view of you. You see yourself through the eyes of the person who caused you to suffer. Your view of yourself is so distorted. You see the bad and the ugly in you.

You need to understand that the person who caused your suffering does not know what love is and what it means to be loved and give love because someone may have caused this person to suffer. What happened to you was not personal though it feels oh so personal. The fact is that anyone this person would be with will suffer also.

You need to understand that knowing what happened to you is very different from acceptance. And even when you do accept what happened to you, at times, you will still come up against various depths of denial along the way.

You need to understand that you shouldn’t be concerned if your recollections and feelings are accurate because what you don’t remember by fact, you remember by impressions. You must realize that what your heart, mind and soul perceive is the truth.

You need to understand that you will relentlessly point your finger of blame at your abuser for ruining your life and the lives of our children and others and so you will blame your abuser for causing every wrong thing that happened to you but this is using your past as a crutch. Still, it’s so perfect because it explains and validates your self-destructive and other adverse behavior. However your hate for your abuser is not a healer and that in fact it breeds the damage. Your hate for your abuser may be exceeded only by an even greater hate for yourself.

You need to understand that you have you have to look at your reality. You cannot live in fantasyland anymore as you need to really look at what happened to you. The way, the only way you can leave yesterday in the past where it belongs is through your memories and facing them. You will regress back in time just long enough to reflect on those sad, sorrowful memories and experience feelings of depression, devastation and dismay. Forgotten memories will come out of hiding which previously found refuge in your forgetfulness. You will remember things you don’t want to and you will be afraid. You will realize that all of your memories when looked at together make sense and explain thoughts and feelings which previously seemed to be detached, unrelated and foreign to anything you have remembered. They also explained why at times, you have foreign feelings and behave in ways that seem to be out of character for you. You must take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Yes, someone caused you to suffer. Yes, your behavior is a result of this person. But also yes, your self-destructive and other adverse behavior is on you.

You need to understand that there will be days when you will take steps forward, but also days when you will still walk that same old path and take steps back. This will be just a temporary setback. It will not mean that you have stopped healing and recovering. You need to understand that you live in a world of ‘what if someone didn’t make you suffer’. And so, you are dragging yesterday into your day-to-day living.


Were you abused?

So were you abused? If yes, was it really that bad?  Have you asked yourself this question and was concerned if your recollections and feelings were accurate? If yes, did you come to realize that what you don’t remember by fact, you remember by impressions? Did you realize that what your heart, mind and soul perceived what happened to you was the truth? So, the next time you asked yourself if it was abuse and if it was really that bad, did you respond with a resounding yes that it was abuse and it was really that bad?



Wait. Before you answer, if you are unsure, do you remember my story of abuse?

If you need to use my story as a guide: Heart-Steps Therapy 1, Rosalie, My Memoir, HST1 Rosalie, My Memoir

If you were abused, it may have been totally different than me, but still the feelings we experienced would be so, so similar.


So were you abused?

So were you abused? If yes, was it really that bad?  Have you asked yourself this question and was concerned if your recollections and feelings were accurate? If yes, did you come to realize that what you don’t remember by fact, you remember by impressions? Did you realize that what your heart, mind and soul perceived what happened to you was the truth? So, the next time you asked yourself if it was abuse and if it was really that bad, did you respond with a resounding yes that it was abuse and it was really that bad?

Did you believe your abuser's view of you?

So did you believe your abuser’s view of you? Did you believe your abuser was the truth, your truth? Did you believe what you saw in your abuser’s eyes without any doubt was really you?


You are a survivor!

So yes if you were abused, you suffered a damaged my sense of self and then created distorted feelings and belief systems of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world and then created maladaptive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. 

You are in healing and in recovery. You are not a victim anymore. You are made up yesterday’s despair, today's hope and tomorrow's dreams, with mere shreds of yourself that have refused to surrender and have refused to die. You are a survivor!



Think about telling your story!
Maybe you could use your voice to speak for those who can’t.


The End of  Heart-Steps Therapy





Therapy Sessions

Home
The Psyche Workshop
Abuse and Consequences
The Psyche Workshop


These are the links to the other pages on The Psyche Workshop Website
Bless the Abused
Bless the Abused

Bless the Abused Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/blesstheabused/
Real stories of abuse.
Awareness and support.

You can tell your own story without using your name.
Heart-Steps Therapy Book
Heart-Steps Therapy Book

This Heart-Steps Therapy will help you to learn to love yourself by repairing your damaged sense of self and distorted belief system of what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. It also will help you to repair your maladaptive coping skills and behavior patterns.

Heart-Steps Therapy 10
Your Story

YOU ARE HERE
Tears of My Family
Tears of My Family
Fact or Fiction: On February 12, 2011 my son, Joseph Lozito, was viciously attacked by Maksim Gelman on a New York City subway. This is my rendition of how the protect and serve aspect of the law is not law after all. Brothers Forever Together: My sister lost two of her children. Steven was 19 years old when he was died because of a drunk driver. Matthew was 1 year old when he died because of a medical malpractice. Michael is the brother who was able to survive the loss of his brothers. God bless you Michael. "Cremate me and throw my ashes down the sewer": This is about my brother Joseph.
The Sad Truth about Elder Care
The Sad Truth about Elder Care
In February 2008 my mom became sick. Well my research left me in a fatal state of dismay and disgust. This is my research study about Nursing Homes / Rehabilitation Facilities.